It's about time for me to finally start writing again. I've been on a break. I called it a sabbatical... either way, I'm ready to express myself through writing again. I haven't shared any new developments about my business and other activities publicly yet. Officially, as of September 30th, I closed down my LLC - Health and Justice Enterprises. The home based bakery has been shut down and I've ceased doing events. This was one of the hardest decisions of my life to date. I'd put so much energy, heart, sweat, and tears into this endeavor, that to just close the doors to the business was like closing the door on my dreams. I was devastated. I prayed and fasted for 3 days before making the final determination. I had to do what God wanted for me and my family. I had veered off course, strayed from God's plans, drifted away from my original mission and I needed a course correction. The best way for me to do that was to obey the Lord and start doing things His way. I decided that I needed to trust Him. He knows what is best for me, He's got me, He's watching out for me, and He knows the beginning from the end. I want my life to bring God glory. I want to live for Him. I needed to realize that I can't do anything apart from Him. He holds all things in His hand, including my dreams, my hopes, and my heart.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart," Jeremiah 29: 11-13
I've taken these last few months to focus on my relationship with Jesus and those things that make me, me. I have examined my life through my past and my family's past. There are so many decisions that I'd made throughout my life, and up until now I didn't take the time to figure out why I did or didn't do certain things. No matter what, through it all, God has loved me every step of the way... even when, years ago, I'd turned my back on Him and lived on my own terms for so long. One thing that I know that I know is that I am a child of God and I don't have to do anything to earn His love because He already loves me, unconditionally, full of mercy and grace.
Jesus is the motivation behind everything that I do. I had taken my business out of His hands because I got tired of waiting on Him. In my own strength, I couldn't fulfill my dreams and hopes. It is a hard lesson to learn but you know what, life is full of hard lessons and tough choices. I had to decide to either follow God and close down the LLC or keep doing it my way... which clearly wasn't working. I am still passionate about ending human trafficking. I'm still passionate about healthy eating and eliminating GMO's. But... I am more passionate about God and living that God first life that my pastor always talks about.
I've been reading two books, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero and The Blessed Life by Robert Morris. Both books have radically and subtly changed my views and guided me to alter my life's course. Reading those, studying the bible, and through much prayer, I am in a much better place today than 3 months ago. I have been waiting on when I would be ready to bare my soul and start writing about my journey in this life. The time has come...
I don't know what will become of The Cooking Activist Company, but The Cooking Activist is still inside me and I believe that dream is still alive and in God's timing I will start something new. I'm preparing for 2014's twenty-one day corporate fast with my church family that I do every year. I am full of hope and expectation of God's power moving in my life. If you pray, please pray for me... if you don't pray, think about me from time to time, I would really appreciate it!
Love you all,
"Commit your plans to the Lord and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3